Life lately is a bit of a challenge. Really, it is mothering that is a challenge.
(Anyone who thinks SAHM’s have it easy I would like to punch in the face, really, I would.)
In a nutshell, Hazel does not like sleeping.
She fights bed time and nap time tooth and nail, it is exhausting. It really dampens the joy in our daily activities, knowing what is looming just around the corner and the battle that will inevitably ensue. I don’t like who I become and I certainly don’t like who she becomes.
Afterwards, in the quiet winks of the day, I often times sit down and reflect/battle with my own subconscious. Why do I continually fall short of the standards I have set for myself? Who am I? As a wife? A mother? A person? How badly am I messing my kids up? Do I like myself? What do I want to do with my life? What are my strengths? Why in the world did I get a degree in theatre? 🙂
Purpose….I guess, is the ultimate question
I have always admired my husband for his clarity in life’s direction. He has stayed on the same course virtually his who life. Teaching in some way shape or form. College, work, grad school. His compass always seems to point in the the same direction. Mine however, changes as quickly as the wind.
I pray for clarity and direction.
I love the line in this song by Tenth Avenue North
“Forgive me, Lord, for thinking you could ever need me…could you ever need me?”
We are all so insignificant, yet not.