Life lately is a bit of a challenge.  Really, it is mothering that is a challenge.

(Anyone who thinks SAHM’s have it easy I would like to punch in the face, really, I would.)

In a nutshell, Hazel does not like sleeping.

She fights bed time and nap time tooth and nail, it is exhausting.  It really dampens the joy in our daily activities,  knowing what is looming just around the corner and the battle that will inevitably ensue.  I don’t like who I become and I certainly don’t like who she becomes.

Afterwards, in the quiet winks of the day, I often times sit down and reflect/battle with my own subconscious.  Why do I continually fall short of the standards I have set for myself?  Who am I?  As a wife? A mother?  A person?  How badly am I messing my kids up?  Do I like myself?  What do I want to do with my life?  What are my strengths? Why in the world did I get a degree in theatre?  🙂

Purpose….I guess, is the ultimate question

I have always admired my husband for his clarity in life’s direction.  He has stayed on the same course virtually his who life.  Teaching in some way shape or form.  College, work, grad school.  His compass always seems to point in the  the same direction. Mine however, changes as quickly as the wind.

I pray for clarity and direction.

I love the line in this song by Tenth Avenue North

“Forgive me, Lord, for thinking you could ever need me…could you ever need me?”

We are all so insignificant, yet not.


6 thoughts on “Purpose

  1. However, I do not know that I would say that I ever know what I am doing or plan to do. You are the only one who pushes me in the ways that I think I want to go.

  2. I know for certain that you are not messing up your kids lives. Wow, I think you are one of the best moms ever. I know that every mom thinks she isn’t doing enough or making mistakes or feeling inadequate. But, I feel just being a mom is one of the most prestigious jobs you could give yourself. When the kids get a little older you will have time to do theatre and will enjoy it so much. You are soooooooo talented and beatiful. Don’t ever think you are less than you really are!!! Isn’t it wonderful that God knows how we feel and are and can help us and guide us even when we don’t think He is. Love you girl!!!

  3. Amanda, you are a great mom and are the backbone of your family. I’d like to tell you being a mom gets easier as they get older, but I would be lying. Yes, things like nap and hands on care get easier, but challenges don’t go away, they merely change. I say this to encourage you to not be so hard on yourself, pick and choose your battles, and try to relax. There is no instruction book, parenting is the hardest job ever, but the most important one. You only have your little ones for a short time, enjoy them, don’t worry about the house and the little stuff. These little challenges come and go, stay strong and it doesn’t hurt them to cry or bang around, learn to ignore the tantrums. (unless they truely hurt themselves). They are learning what the boundaries are and independence, so testing you is determining how much independence they get and what boundaries they can cross. Walk away and don’t let them see you sweat. lol You are not messing them up, they are tougher than you think. Your time will come, hang in there:)

  4. Praying for clarity and direction for you! You are doing a phenomenal job mothering your precious kiddos. They are blessed to call you mom!

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