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After a long, fun, but tiring weekend in Kentucky with family, today was a knockdown drag out fight for motherhood survival. The kids were super grumpy and still I forced a hellacious trip to Aldi’s and Walmart (because we had no food in our house and I am a glutton for punishment).  As if that wasn’t enough, today was also the first day of fall dance class and I rallied the (moody) troops, yet again, and soldiered on to dance class.

I was near tears as Hazel hysterically cried and protested going into dance class for the entire 45 minutes. Literally throwing a fit the size of Texas.  I felt paralyzed as I was attempting to corral an explorative 18 month old while also trying to gently nudge, negotiate, bride, console my daughter.  Arguing in my head:  She can’t just cry her way out of everything….but she is only three and a half….just take her home….no, don’t loose this battle…I wonder what the teacher/other moms are thinking right now…. and so on and so forth.   It was not pretty, not at all.

We left.  I felt embarrassed, annoyed, angry, tired, and just plain BEATEN DOWN.  I let this affect me and my interactions with Hazel for the rest of the evening.  Holding it against her.

Now, as both of my beautiful babies are sleeping and the anger, frustration, and hurt have melted away I can’t help but feel a little sad/guilty about how my day ended with Hazel.

I flipped through my momsense magazine and skimmed an article about “whining” it specifically spoke about preshcool age children being overwhlemend by life transitions and new expectations and their needing more love, guidance and tenderness from us parents, especially in this developmental phase.  I wanted to cry.  Mom fail.  How could I not see that???

Today Hazel was scared and uncertain and I needed to be a better listener, nurturer, protector instead of a self conscious woman more concerned with loosing a relatively unimportant battle. Once again, I remind myself that this parenting gig is not a competition.  There is no prize for “the best mom” whatever that means anyway.

Therefore, I need to think less about what my child should do and more about her needs specifically.  I Definitely don’t have this all figured out, but something to strive for as a parent.

I hope this can be helpful, in some way, for other parent’s dealing with this difficult phase in childhood development.  This was for sure my mom/God lesson for the day.

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4 thoughts on “The Joys of Parenting

  1. 1st: Where at in KY did you visit? I mentioned to David you went to KY this past weekend and he was interestingly overly concerned as to why you didn’t come and visit me 🙂 I tried to explain life happens and we are busy mommies but he couldn’t get past it and was set on how we used to sing ‘Say My Name’ on the way to school almost everyday, thought it was cute!

    2nd: Thank you for this post!!! No joke, as we ended a busy weekend of our own we had a similar situation at gymnastics with a ‘melt down’ from Reagen. We ended up leaving early and quite hurriedly…I felt guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed…what were the other mom’s thinking of our actions (both Reagen’s & mine). This post is a great reminder of what is really important in mothering…I will refer back to this post often!

    3rd: I know you know this but, in Hazel’s eyes you are the safest spot in the world, you are HER mommy and no one is better than you! You are a GREAT mom, we all have ‘those’ days!

    • PS. we always jam out to music at work since I am a closer and “say my name” came on the other night. I laughed and sang thinking of the good ole days 🙂

  2. I’m sure it was harder on you than it was on Hazel…we have all been there. She is resilient and knows where and who her safe place is with….you. Temper tantrums and frustrated parenting times won’t change that…it’s all a learning experience. You’re a great mom:) xoxox

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